To My Soon To Be Former-Mother-in-Law: A Note Almost Sent

Dear Soon To Be Former-Mother-in-Law,

Last week you wrote me that it gives you great pleasure that your son is such a loving and a caring father. I have been told by several people that I should just let your comment go and not respond. But I think that is exactly what the problem is: for too long people in your son’s life have “let it go and not responded.” Well, I’m really having difficulty accepting that advice.

If by kicking his own children out of the only home they ever knew simply out of spite makes him loving and caring, then we definitely have a different opinion of loving and caring. If by not returning to the hospital when his newborn son was admitted to the NICU makes him loving and caring, then we definitely have a different opinion of loving and caring. If by starting an affair with a subordinate in his office when his sons were only six months old and going out with her to drink after work rather than returning home to help care for them is loving and caring, then, forgive me, our opinion of loving and caring is different. If fighting me on child support so that his payment doesn’t even cover the cost of the nanny (so that I can work and provide housing, food, clothing and other necessities) is loving and caring, then we definitely have a different opinion. I have many more examples, but I will spare you since I am not sure if you are aware of them.

The people who actually remain in your son’s life should really start calling it like it is. He is selfish, irresponsible and immature. He is a liar and a cheater. He wasn’t ready to get married or to have children. He has only recently stepped up to the plate to try to prove he is something he is not to the courts because his own attorney and the custody evaluator insisted he do so.

If we continue to pretend that your son is a man he is not, then he will never truly have a chance to turn into a loving and caring father.

Contrary to what most people believe about your son, I think he can do it. But, we all have to be honest with him and with ourselves, or he won’t ever have the chance.


Take care,


Your Soon To Be Former-Daughter-in-Law

Date almost sent: February 10, 2009